A Possible Gospel And New Testament

More Fun Than Fundamentalism.

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For further information, email Darius at possiblegospel@yahoo.com.

Monday, July 31, 2006

By Popular Demand

You might want to read the previous post and thread if you expect what follows to make any sense at all. You might also want to skip both.

WARNING: Intended for immature audiences.

The Interlude
A Classical Scene of Arboreal Scandal and Intrigue

“Too sexy for my leaves” –
Thus will sing the nubile trees
At summer’s end (this is a prophecy)
In gusty breezes to perform
That burlesque autumn ritual
Of old: baring branches and revealing
Shapely, stately forms. Beneath one such,
Our Crystal sings a holy Catholic hymn,
And yet with Rachel, who stands near,
Wears nothing but strategic
Low-cut maple leaves,
Some holly in her hair; and leers.
Doug, the pastor, is aghast,
And looks up at the sky real fast
Attempting to see less of leaf and limb.
A simple, private man, and unbeknownst
To most of those who love him, he too
Has thoughts of “goofy sex with trees;”
And yet, like every person of the cloth,
Has taken secret, sober vows
Against such earthly liberties.

The branches shake. From high above
It’s Aidan dropping down upon the ground.
He looks upon the growing crowd
Then sings, with that familiar Beatles sound:
“Why don’t we do it in the trees?”
Gautami and GP are clapping overheatedly,
While Matthew, adding to this sweetly surreal
Scene of floral sensuality,
Holds forth clinically on arboreal sex
In a manner mostly detached,
Somewhat debauched,
Yet somehow scholarly; when ThursdayNext
Sidles alongside, a spy with pinecones
To inquire in a dangerous insinuating way:
“Mon cher Monsieur Matthew –
Parlez vous francais?”

Sunday, July 30, 2006

ATTN People Who Read without Commenting

Crunching the Numbers: Your Vote Counts!

Statistics show that July and August are respectively 25% and 18% slower-than-average blogging months – BS (Bureau of Statistics, 2006).

Since I have upcoming posts on deck that I think are among “Possiblegospel’s” better ones, I figure why not wait until people come back from vacation and meanwhile catch up on business such as taking polls?

The Two Polls: One for Normal Commentators; One for the Vast Silent Majority of Blog Readers Who Never Make Comments

Normal Commentators: Would you like the next stalling-for-time post to be

- About a tree – this would be really good tree-writing…
- About sex – It’s pretty good, but the writing’s less compelling than the tree one.
- Something goofy and/or childish

Vast Silent Majority of Blog Readers:

I have often been told that people read blogs who are not themselves bloggers. PROVE IT! My thesis is that this can’t possibly be true and that hit counters just measure random hits accounted for by the fact that millions and millions of people go online and mistype stuff or otherwise accidentally click onto blogs...

So if there are people reading this blog who have never commented, I hereby demand proof of your existence. You guys must be extremely shy or unopinionated. Then don’t venture anything, just anonymously post a comment like, “Yes, I do exist!”

WARNING: Without mentioning any names for example MATTHEW, I am aware that certain bloggers who leave comments here have certain jocular tendencies that normally remain latent but which a post like this could easily draw out. Please, you guys who normally post, no signing in as Anonymous to try and distort the numbers. I want this to be free and fair voting but can’t afford a UN or Carter Foundation monitor.

SILENT MAJORITY PEOPLE: YOU can help reduce the risk of voter fraud by adding specific, compelling details to your remarks. Example:

Anonymous said… I am a nubile young woman who hangs upon your every word and must blushingly confess that I am as in love with the author as the blog itself.


Anonymous said… I am a Siberian fur trapper and can tell the difference between the tracks of a Ligerian Double-Pronged Brown Deer and the closely related Great Northern Gap-Toothed Antelope.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation –


Sunday, July 23, 2006

Gospel, Chapter 16: Scribes, Pharisees, etc.

On Wealth

Jesus: “No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.” {= wealth} Mat 6:24.

Jesus: “Truly I tell you, it will be hard for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” Mat 19:24.

Jesus entered the temple and began to drive out those who were selling things. He said, “It is written, ‘My house shall be a house of prayer’; but you have made it a den of robbers.” Luke 19:45-46.

And Jesus addressed the far-right Christian leadership – the televangelists, mega-ministers, and comfortable priests “Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.” Luke 12:15.

And just to be sure, he added:

“Woe to you leaders of the Christian far-right! For you market false piety, give support to corrupt officials, and neglect the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith.” Cf. Mat 23:23.

On Hypocrisy

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup, so that the outside also may become clean.” Mat 23:25-26.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which on the outside look beautiful, but inside they are full of the bones of the dead and of all kinds of filth. So you also on the outside look righteous to others, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” Mat 23:27-28.

“But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you lock people out of the kingdom of heaven. For you do not go in yourselves, and when others are going in, you stop them. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cross sea and land to make a single convert, and you make the new convert twice as much a child of hell as yourselves.” Mat 23:13-15.

Therefore beware of false ministers in shepherd’s clothing who you can easily know by their fruits. A good tree bears good fruit and a bad tree bad. Cf. 7:16-17.

Many preach without practicing. Many who are first will be last. Cf. Mat 19:30.

Many are those who say, “Lord, Lord,” or shout “Mohammed,” supposing they will enter the kingdom of heaven. Yet only those who do God’s will enter heaven, and these are already at the gate. Cf. Mat 7:21.

Those who most indulge in God-talk are among those who know God least.

The prayers of those who are in a position to help but will not do so are blasphemous.

On Lunacy

Render unto God what is God’s and science what belongs to science. Cf. Mat 22:21.

Those who eagerly await apocalypse and rapture are like someone yelling “Beware!” at the foot of a mountain that is prone to avalanches.

Death did not come through sin - silly. The flowers of the field die too (cf. Mat 6:28); yet who has written concerning the disobedience of Adam Dandelion and Eve Petunia in the flower-garden of Og? Because we may perceive death as bad, its occurrence does not mean that an Other-God is punishing us. Let us weed our own gardens, putting away childish thoughts. Cf. Romans 5:12-14.

It is not written, “Be fruitful and multiply until the earth becomes uninhabitable for your children.” Cf. Gen 1:28.

Are you focused on the “unborn?” Then let your concern rest chiefly with the state of the earth that will be inherited from us by the full-fledged and indisputable human beings of the generations to come. Worry more about your grandchildren and less about their fertilized eggs.

Seek but you will not find Bible verses about birth control pills, embryos, stem cell research, or the phrase, “right to life.” Though we find Jesus intervening with love and compassion for the lives of many, none are embryos.

An acorn is not an oak.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Gospel, Chapter Fifteen: Vengeance, Oppression, and Prophesy

Do not confuse the justice of equality with the justice of revenge. The first heals the world; the second tears it apart.

We keep, settle, and compare scores with one another; therefore many of us have imagined the existence of an Other-God who keeps and settles scores. Yet the kingdom will not come to heaven as it is done on earth, but to earth as it is done in heaven. Cf. Mat 6:10.

Do not judge, for there is one measure; and when meted out in full, there will be no distinctions. Abandon judgment; set aside reward and punishment. For you cannot punish some and reward others, but will punish all. Cf. Mat 7:1-5, Luke 6:37-38, Luke 9: 54-55, John 8:10-11.

Wield the sword of spiritual discernment unsparingly. Unsheathe the sword of violence only if other means have failed, and then wield it sparingly: not for punishment or conquest of those you may be tempted to label evildoers and less human than yourself, but to serve and defend the well-being of the greater good and larger whole. Cf. Mat 10:34.

What is a prophet?

A prophet does not predict the future but may help create it.

In our time we had a prophet named King who helped lead us in a direction away from bigotry. He did not predict civil rights law. He helped create it by way of his life because enough of us listened.

He had begun to speak against poverty but was murdered. It is written that the poor will always be with us (Mat 26:11); but their unsafe and threatened lives, in growing numbers, are a threat to everyone, and a disgrace to those living in luxury.

No prophecy is needed to see that unless we overcome poverty and injustice, it has the potential to overcome us all.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Gospel, Chapter Fourteen: Empire

Pick One…

It is written: “Whoever is not against you is for you.” Luke 9:50. No crusades necessary.

It is also written: “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.” Luke 11:23. Freedom Fries and “Bring ‘em on…” (George W. Bush).

All Bible verses are not equally inspired.


Woe to the politicized scribes and Pharisees of the age! You imagine that you hide the heights of selfishness behind a fig leaf of submission to what you call the will of God but which is plainly your own as you seek to fulfill social and political agendas of power-seeking and wealth-grabbing. You read scripture like lawyers, selecting verses that support your own notions while ignoring those that resonate for all with ears to hear. Ignorance which is certain of itself is dark indeed, masking hatred and fear that are black with being unexamined and unknown.

Woe to you scribes and Pharisees who attain political office, seeking to render unto Caesar what is God’s and imagining that your hypocrisy is not transparent to many when you insert faith-speak into your political speeches. You execute selfish plans in the name of the Author of unselfishness, deceiving many others. You sow seeds of discord among the faithful of the nations. Truly it would be better for you if you were chained to a great Humvee and offloaded into the depths of the sea. Cf. Mat 18:6.

Little Caesar fondles corporate purses, then salts his sound-bites with unsavory God-talk; and neglects the poor, the homeless, the hungry, the sick, and stewardship of the earth. We are to render unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar; yet anyone with eyes to see, can see that less and less belongs to little Caesar’s sphere.

Jesus did not say, “Hold fund-raising banquets for the rich and cripple programs that help the poor, the lame, and the blind.” He said, “But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind.” Luke 14:13.

The Kingdom Is At Hand

Do not imagine that we still live in a democracy. In 1976 the Supreme Court (Buckley v. Valeo) ruled that spending money to influence elections is a form of free "speech” protected by the First Amendment. Although politicians regularly perform song and dance routines around the idea of campaign finance reform at election time, the ruling is never brought up. They like it. It’s how they got where they are – with money donated by wealthy corporate sponsors

The result is that today we have government of, by, and for big business. At election time, we pick from among candidates not of our choice or making, but as offered up by corporate America. The founding fathers did their best, but the wealthy have figured out how to control democracy’s institutions. Rule by the wealthy is at hand.