A Possible Gospel And New Testament

More Fun Than Fundamentalism.

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For further information, email Darius at possiblegospel@yahoo.com.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

ATTN People Who Read without Commenting

Crunching the Numbers: Your Vote Counts!

Statistics show that July and August are respectively 25% and 18% slower-than-average blogging months – BS (Bureau of Statistics, 2006).

Since I have upcoming posts on deck that I think are among “Possiblegospel’s” better ones, I figure why not wait until people come back from vacation and meanwhile catch up on business such as taking polls?

The Two Polls: One for Normal Commentators; One for the Vast Silent Majority of Blog Readers Who Never Make Comments

Normal Commentators: Would you like the next stalling-for-time post to be

- About a tree – this would be really good tree-writing…
- About sex – It’s pretty good, but the writing’s less compelling than the tree one.
- Something goofy and/or childish

Vast Silent Majority of Blog Readers:

I have often been told that people read blogs who are not themselves bloggers. PROVE IT! My thesis is that this can’t possibly be true and that hit counters just measure random hits accounted for by the fact that millions and millions of people go online and mistype stuff or otherwise accidentally click onto blogs...

So if there are people reading this blog who have never commented, I hereby demand proof of your existence. You guys must be extremely shy or unopinionated. Then don’t venture anything, just anonymously post a comment like, “Yes, I do exist!”

WARNING: Without mentioning any names for example MATTHEW, I am aware that certain bloggers who leave comments here have certain jocular tendencies that normally remain latent but which a post like this could easily draw out. Please, you guys who normally post, no signing in as Anonymous to try and distort the numbers. I want this to be free and fair voting but can’t afford a UN or Carter Foundation monitor.

SILENT MAJORITY PEOPLE: YOU can help reduce the risk of voter fraud by adding specific, compelling details to your remarks. Example:

Anonymous said… I am a nubile young woman who hangs upon your every word and must blushingly confess that I am as in love with the author as the blog itself.

Or,

Anonymous said… I am a Siberian fur trapper and can tell the difference between the tracks of a Ligerian Double-Pronged Brown Deer and the closely related Great Northern Gap-Toothed Antelope.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation –

Darius

48 Comments:

At 8:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes, I exist!

 
At 8:56 AM, Blogger Valedon said...

I agree, majority blog readerssare bloggers themselves!
But hey, yes I do exists!
or used to, when I used to blog-surf (when I was not a blogger)

 
At 9:20 AM, Blogger Darius said...

ANONYMOUS: Are you my sister? That doesn't count. I should have put that on the post, damn...

VALEDON: Well, OK, I know you're not my sister...

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger samuru999 said...

Whatever you decide to do your
post on I am sure it will be good... whether it's about a tree, sex or something goofy!
I guess I would vote for sex...
as my posts are never about that.
I might learn something of
interest.

 
At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

once, twice, thrice a day I run trippingly to my moniter, (the source of all news on my wilderness island) and look to see: is it possible? has the great Darius posted? be still my heart.....

(and go for the sex, why not?)

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Hayden said...

can any of us be proved to exist?

or is all a phantasm, a dreaming of possible voices....

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger Darius said...

SAMURU999: One for sex, then - and with a well-reasoned explanation...

ANONYMOUS: I count 2 votes for sex. Please note that I did my best on the post to promote the tree... Anonymous, I have deep suspicions as to your true identity.

HAYDEN: Since I need the tree vote, I'll take this as an oblique reference to that perennial philosophical tree question concerning whether, if one falls in the forest and no one's around to hear, does it make a sound? Or did it fall? Or something like that.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger crystal said...

Anonymous said...

Oh Darius, how I count the moments between your posts, and hang on your every word, and envision a possible tryst between ...

Oops! Sorry, forgot who I was for a moment there.

Please post about sex :-)

 
At 12:51 PM, Blogger Yves said...

Well, what am I supposed to do, vote on whether I prefer you to write on trees or sex? Trees I think.

 
At 1:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Umm...if he's anonymous, who am I?

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger Darius said...

CRYSTAL! I'm shocked!

YVES: Thank you for that...

ANONYMOUS: OK, I'm convinced.

I think... I guess this would be an inherent problem with the "Anonymous" moniker...

 
At 3:18 PM, Blogger Pastor Doug Hoag said...

I exist, I think.

But I'm not really here. My comments are just figments of your imagination.

How about a post about goofy tree sex?

 
At 4:04 PM, Blogger Aidan said...

I am pretty sure i exist, at least conceptually on this blog.
Why not combine sex and a tree?
or in a tree?

I am also not your sister.

Aidan

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger Darius said...

PASTOR DOUG: No no no... It goes, "I think; therefore I am."

"I exist, I think" is shorter but much less clear.

AIDAN and PASTOR DOUG: I checked. The sex poem has tendrils, stars, and even a hillside. Most hillsides would have trees - the hillside was not denuded...

Aidan, thanks for the clarification. I was about to send an email asking if you'd bake brownies again.

 
At 5:36 PM, Anonymous Marissa said...

I definitely don't exist. But please post about trees and/or sex anyway. Or something goofy. I know, I really narrowed it down there. :D

 
At 5:40 PM, Anonymous SH said...

Am I a "Normal Commentator"? I hope not... :-) I vote for a tree. I like trees. :-)

 
At 6:04 PM, Blogger ThursdayNext said...

What about a poll for a new commentator like moi?

 
At 6:54 PM, Blogger Darius said...

MARISSA: Not really your fault about not narrowing it down, what with, as you say, not existing and all. People who don't exist characteristically make way for countless other possibilities, which is what makes them so popular; or at least certainly not unpopular.

SH: The tree concept has started to gain some traction then...

This sort of horserace must be getting exciting for all the people out there who read but don't comment. So far, two, I think; which begins to confirm my theory...

THURSDAYNEXT: Consider yourself a normal commentator then, and go ahead and choose between goofy, sex, and trees.

The above sentence really didn't read all that well. Maybe the reason so few non bloggers appear to read blogs is that we need editors?

 
At 7:38 PM, Blogger kathy said...

LOL too funny! :-D I'm a ghost reader!

 
At 7:40 PM, Blogger kathy said...

Anything you write is good reading..really! :)

 
At 8:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lurking is permitted. (Matt 27:36)

 
At 9:18 PM, Blogger Keshi said...

I SO EXIST :)

** I am as in love with the author as the blog itself.

lol Darius wut u gonna do now?

Keshi.

 
At 10:27 PM, Blogger Don Iannone said...

Darius...greetings and blessings!

Please do a piece on sex. But not something overly banal, and for God sake...not something anal. LOL.

 
At 1:26 AM, Blogger gautami tripathy said...

well, my vote goes for... why not do a post on sex on trees....


me your sister?

never!!!!!!!!!1

 
At 1:39 AM, Anonymous Rachel said...

Hi Darius!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I've been on vacation. I've noticed my mind doesn't work as well in the summer heat. As it is going to be 100 degrees here this week, I vote for something lite at this time. Maybe tree sex. Less calories, same great taste. :-)

 
At 3:25 AM, Blogger Ghost Particle said...

Please post about sex in the forest full of trees and make sure its goofy and funny.

(bring it on bro!)

Muhahahahah!

 
At 6:46 AM, Blogger Matthew said...

I must agree with the several commenters who vote for arboreal sex, even though that was not really an option.

Also, I am appalled that you think I might try to skew the numbers, or pretend to be a nubile young woman, or munge things up in some other amusing way.

Appalled.


Anonymous said...
I'm a dryad! Count me twice!

 
At 6:48 AM, Blogger Matthew said...

Oh, and bonus points if you can work that tease Crystal into your next post.

=)

 
At 7:24 AM, Blogger Darius said...

KATHY: Ya know, just because you keep changing your picture does not turn you into a "ghost reader..."

ANONYMOUS: Indeed. And as it is further written:

"For is it not lawful for a man to lurk even on the Sabbath if he be lurking for a cause that is just and good? However, he may not lurketh in the shadows to observeth, unbeknownst, good-lurking women at anytime whatsoever, or the wrath of their goofy fathers shall fall upon their heads along with the limbs of trees. And the sky shall darken; and stones shall fall unbidden, rolling from hillsides upon the people's toes. And there will be a great weeping throughout the land, and also hair-tearing, and saying of, 'Youch, that like REALLY hurt my toe' and 'I hate it when that happens.'" Mike 22:14-20.

KESHI: Stare lasciviously into my computer monitor?

DON I: No, and neither will there be anything about a pair of eye-crossed lovers who mistook Uranus for a star and had to kill themselves.

GAUTAMI: You're maybe the fourth person who wants to combine something on sex and trees.

I must have missed out on an important phase of my psychosexual development. I like trees, and might even be considered something of a "tree hugger." But in all honesty, this is as far as I ever went with a tree, even as a teenager.

RACHEL: Welcome back. But as I just explained, this tree/sexuality interface... I don't think I can help anyone with this... I know it's a let down...

GHOST PARTICLE: I'm afraid that you have been misled by others of my normal (?) commentators. You see, this isn't actually supposed to be a combination platter. A goofy poem about sex and trees is even more hopeless, if I may be frank, than the apparently commonplace sex with trees preference.

As Elaine said about sex in the tub (Seinfeld): "THAT doesn't work. Give me sumthin I can USE!"

Y'ALL: You see, there are three distinct choices here:

trees
sex
goofy/childish.

Quite a few of your votes have hanging chad (not a sexual term, but an electoral - think Gore v. Bush, the original movie). I'm afraid that these will have to be discarded.

I am sorry for being so harsh and strict about this, but I must keep some semblance of order on this thread. Plus I refuse to spend two days trying to write a goofy sex poem about trees.

 
At 7:54 AM, Blogger Darius said...

HI MATTHEW, you seem to have gotten that past me as I was posting my last reply.

As you correctly point out, arboreal sex (I appreciate the adjective, was trying to remember that...) was never an option. I have explained my unwavering position on this as per above.

Please... let's not start talking about "skewing numbers," there's no telling where it might lead or what expectations it could give rise to given the content of this discussion thread so far.

I am appalled at your being appalled, being as empathetic as I am. I appallogize.

A "dryad" - a dyad with a dry sense of humor?

As to Crystal, I have still not fully recovered, what with her being Catholic and all. I mean, I was myself brought up loosely as a Catholic; yet still, this did not prepare me to think that Crystal could herself be a loose Catholic...

 
At 9:05 AM, Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

As the Solipsist Soliloquist I am fairly certain of my own existance but I do not have any hard evidence that any of you exist outside of my imagination..and this screen...but this could be a dream.
As far as I know I am simply commenting to myself and somehow find the time to produce all of the other blogs while I am sleepwalking???
Which would explain why I am always tired.

It is quite rude to not comment even if you cannot rub two thoughts together atleast say hello.
Who goes there? Present yourself!

I vote trees.
There is far too much sex in the blogoshere and its becoming a bloody tedious nuisance. Hrrummph!

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger Matthew said...

Darius said...
A "dryad" - a dyad with a dry sense of humor?

Ah, I can see how "count me twice" would make one think "dyad", but I meant a dryad: you know, a sort of tree-spirit that usually appears as a scantily-clad young woman?

As for my vote, I hereby change it to "trees".

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger pissed off patricia said...

I vote for something light and fun because the events of the world today are so heavy and the summer is so hot. I like smiling so much more than crying. :)

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger Benjamin said...

Trees or sex, either is fine, both I like x

 
At 11:49 AM, Anonymous Rachel said...

Just a little something to get you in the mood for the sexy tree post. LOL

 
At 3:11 PM, Anonymous arkade said...

I have read and enoyed reading two bloggers so far. Your blog being the first one. I am still adjusting to, and enjoying, reading your thoughts

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger Darius said...

HOMOESCAPEONS: "Solipsist Soliloquist..." So you can "throw your voice," only you do a solo act - no Danny O'Day or Farfel?

Trees would have been my preference. But I'm afraid this thread may have affected my thought-process...

MATTHEW: "Trees" then, but it may be too late as per my remark to H.E. immediately above... Isn't a Nyad something too?? Egad, I always get mythological stuff mixed up.

PO PATRICIA: I know exactly what you mean. The news has never been so overwhelmingly depressing at any other time during my lifetime, as far as I'm concerned.

BENJAMIN: Thanks for not mixing those two, although it may be too late for purposes of next post.

RACHEL: Interesting link, but it came just after I was "inspired" by prior comments. However, the, uh, resulting "creation" may not look so good in the morning, so who knows...

ARKADE: Wow. You exist. Thanks for reading/posting. This post and maybe next may be the hardest ones to adjust to...

 
At 6:21 PM, Blogger Keshi said...

I think thats a good start :):)

Keshi.

 
At 8:05 PM, Blogger mistipurple said...

i gravitate towards serious people, because they have the most funny side to them. and alot of you here have shown that. i love this post, and especially, the comments!

i am not sure if i exist. life was sucked out of me twenty years back.

since you have proceeded to talk about the trees and sex and goofy/ childish, i do not need to vote. yeah!
(but i might have voted 'sex', if just to see how you and a bunch of serious people would comment!)

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger Darius said...

KESHI: A "good start..." you mean the "poem" on the next post?? But I'm afraid it may be the first and last thing I will ever do on arboreal sex, and for pretty sound reasons I think...

MISTIPURPLE: Yes, as they say, "Serious people have gonads too..." Gonads... That's a terrible word. It has the worst of everything. I mean, it sounds clinical but also sort of... descriptive. OK...

Seriously: that said, pain that's metaphorical - which is not actual physical pain from, say, a hideous incurable disease - is something people can generally get to go away to a large extent. Not that it's easy or happens overnight. And not that you maybe ever get over it completely. But you can get over it to a point where it no longer controls how you live - and that's pretty good. It ends up being more like a small scar than a cut. So hang in there...

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger Lillie said...

"Anticipated cooperation" Such a phrase. Love your confidence.

 
At 8:12 AM, Blogger boneman said...

OK, good news and bad news.

The good news is, since I am a blogger (and quite addicted, too) (and, happily so) then, well, you can see m'name in blue, eh?
And, as a matter of normal recourse, I always go back to where comments on m'blog come t'be, which, in fact, is why I came wanderin' over here.
And, I think I like it here. (not like Agamennon in Troy)

The bad news I should get to before I forget....
and I'll use m'self as example.
When first discovering the world of blogs, I was absolutely amazed and excitedly happy to see all those differing opinions, even though some quite contrary t'my way of thinking, all swarming around in this great big pool of shimmerring water!
Until I tried t'make a comment....

Dang! What is it that makes some folks t'force others t'join in their own specific group just t'comment?
Well, such as it were, I had come upon a person to whom I HAD t'make a comment to, but, their blog wouldn't accept anonymous commentors, so, I went right away to start a blog.
It took me several attempts t'just get the first one running, and I rushed back t'make m'comment and lo. there was someone else who had made the same comment I was going t'make,.....
Two days later, I had forgotten mt blog's name, the password of same, all lost. Somewhere in the great seaa of blogs there is a blog with no captain at the helm, no sails up t'catch whatever winds there are in blog-land, zip.

Next time I made a blog, I did almost everything else right, though the blog overlords somehow tricked me into putting what I was going to use as my password as my display name.
Boneman! Good golly!

Still, it's an up-and-running sort'a thing and I wouldn't change it fer the world. Well, mainly cause I fear it's total collapse if I changed it, but, fer whatever reason.

And, now might be a good time t'mention that there is another kind of response....
"HOLY SOUND BYTES, BATMAN! DO WE HAVE ANY DUCT TAPE T'QUIET THIS GUY DOWN?"
Sometimes I get carried away with the length of m'comments.
Just say if that ever happens.

Now, I kind'a din't do what ya asked us.....the request fer us t'read prior before after, but, I enjoyed the poetry none-the-less.

However, in the request dept. you had asked fer either a thing about trees or a thing about sex.....
But ya did both.

 
At 6:02 AM, Anonymous Gangadhar said...

Me exist..
thoughtful one,Darius...

 
At 2:38 PM, Blogger Darius said...

LILLIE: But why would people read without ever commenting? What do other bloggers think about this conundrum?

BONEMAN: Yeah, I can about imagine... Luckily I have someone who helps me out with all things technical.

GANGADHAR: Yes, it sure was a thoughtful post. I especially enjoyed making up the statistics. I don't get to work enough with statistics on this blog...

 
At 4:53 AM, Blogger Lillie said...

Why is a comment necessary? For praise? For dialogue? (Hard to actually manage in the comment section of a blog.) For dissent? If one is simply observing, and listening, and paying attention to another's point of view, is it important that they simply write, "I heard that"?

 
At 8:56 AM, Blogger Darius said...

LILLIE: No, not from YOU. You're a blogger.

It's for "scientific" polling purposes. I maintain that nobody reads personal blogs but other bloggers since 99% of comments come from blogs you've visited. But a lot of people have told me no - there are all these people out there who read but are too shy, or something, to ever post comments.

My theory is that this "silent majority" doesn't exist, or is a silent extremely tiny minority...

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger jim said...

Just to top off these amazingly informative comments, all these hidden personalities coming out of their closets, I want to say this,

Trees are Sex, just in very slow motion, once a year kind of act, very long foreplay and extremely incredible orgasm, many creatures get into the act.

The goofy thing? I have no problem being goofy.

 
At 4:14 PM, Blogger Lady Lux said...

I think I can exist simultaneously in two places at one time...ye'

 

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